The Cellophane Death Shroud of the Ghoul-Man

This is the song that I sing for my soul
To help me pass on from the time of my death
Till I find out the trick of a peaceful rebirth
And I pick up the pieces and breathe with new breath

I know I have always been outside looking in
From the time I was cradled in Pain’s cruel embrace
Through the now through communion with a little pill
I successfully hide from Pain’s every trace

I sleep deep and dream but I seldom remember
And I awake when sleep leaves me closer to noon
And the cold light of day and winter’s cold breath
Swirl in perfect stillness in the cage of my room

I boil the water to brew me my tea
But it’s been some time since the mixture was right
I’ve battled with sickness where once I was strong
I swing from despair through manic delight

I download my e-mail on my old computer
And scribble my thoughts while it labors on
The files are gibberish, they’re too complicated
I’m lacking in ram for all of my rom

Now days I eat popcorn like manna from heaven
And grind down my teeth on the hard blackened pits
My thoughts are so deep but I lack expression
I’ve a cellophane death shroud wrapping my wits

I’ve a cellophane death shroud wrapping my mind
I chant to myself in the low sunlight’s glare
The source of rebirth has fled to the south
And the land remains frozen in her northern stare

My last expedition has ended in ruin
Six and a half years trying to climb that sixth peak
My strength has succumb to my loss of resolve
We summated the first five inside of five weeks

Was it madness or hubris that kept me so long
Railing against that insurmountable rock
Far from the city in the river valley
Far from the questions that help me take stock

Perhaps it was fear like some pack of white rabbits
That pursue you on pathways with trees overhung
The uneven pavements with light dustings of snow
And the pitch darkness searing your feverish lungs

The silvery glare of the of the mercury lamps
With their stepping stone pools of frozen white light
Float like globes of reason in an irrational void
Yet completely fail to illuminate the night

Listen! You’ll hear him from so far away
A voice filled with love and the promise of hope
A lifetime ago a decision was made
With which everyday since has forced you to cope

Remember when we purchased all our provisions
The day we wandered that warehouse and laughed out loud
We selected an enormous roll of cellophane
Which seven years later I wear as my death shroud

I’ve a cellophane death shroud wrapping my heart
I chant to myself and I feel like a fool
I knowingly died to abandon the cause
Yet I live on un-dead with the lusts of a ghoul

I wander the thin strand of bare forest down stream
As the lights from the Deerfoot transform the night
The sodium light sweeps in at thirty degrees
Right at eye-level and confuses my sight

I’m sure that one of the shadows cast by the trees
Amidst this baffling collage of orange and black
Is so palpably deep as to form a portal
And out of fear as to where I carefully turn back

The radio’s screaming out popular music
As I squint at the headlights of oncoming cars
The glaring white noise and the glaring white lights
Are driving me deeper and deeper afar

Where have I come from and where am I going
Where is the garden that’s all abloom in my mind
Could it be a sweet vision of what lies ahead
Or amnesiac fragments of what’s fallen behind

And I wonder where were you when we hit the moon
In the scorching sunlight of that Idaho day
And we all stood there blinking at the black hardened crust
That stretched on before us from the van’s open bays

Beware of the crater people we had been warned
Watch closely your footing and keep up with the crowd
And perhaps it was there that I first chose to wear
The cellophane space suit that now is my death shroud

I’ve a cellophane death shroud encasing my form
Like a nictitating membrane that’s sealed shut
And although I can see through its clouded film
Try as I might I can’t open my eyes up

And I’ve traveled through time and I’ve traveled through space
And I’ve walked on the new ice out past the stones
And I’ve crouched down to watch the cold river below
Through clear ice so thin that it shuddered and moaned

I still feel the power of sitka and cedar
Of those ancient islands growing out of the sea
Where we paddled our kayaks beyond the cloud wall
Churning the green brine through silver infinity

I still hear the call and the hum of the silence
The damp ring of the mist as it kisses my face
The pops and the snaps of the soaking wet fire
And the humid night air thick and salty to taste

And I wonder where were you when I climbed alone
Up out of this world when I severed my tether
And I wandered beyond for I don’t know how long
Till I came floating back with an eagle feather

And some days I can sense them and some days
I can’t The promises that hide at the edge of the rim
But just like the elements I know that they’re there
And once I was sure that I’d one day behold them

But now I’m entangled in the cellophane shroud
And the edge of my world is well in from that rim
And perhaps they’re still there at the edge of the void
But with the trauma of death my memory’s grown thin

I have a cellophane death shroud sucked down my throat
Suffocating me slowly as it chokes off air
And whether I wear it as space suit or death shroud
It took dying to realize it always was there

And I know that I’m here to accomplish so much
Singing songs of the Mages is only the start
I’ve a home to build and the suburbs to battle
I’ve affairs of the mind and the flesh and the heart

In my mind there’s a white team standing in sunshine
Against a green field like an armada before
The smoke and the rage and the horror of battle
Drive away the spectacular beauty of war

And I wonder what waits out in New Mexico
The arms of the homies or a lifetime alone
I have poems to share in the driftwood city
The tales of the heroes like blue wolf and Keystone

And I know I’ve always been outside looking in
For seven years I studied that lesson of Pain’s
That lesson I kept when I returned from that death
Now I seek a rebirth in a similar vein

And so this is the song that I sing for my soul
To help me pass on from the time of my death
In my heart I now realize the path of rebirth
To make peace with the past is to breathe with new breath
To make peace with the past is to breathe with new breath

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