An open letter to parents: Don’t fuck up!

lifting_babyPeople getting older without growing up is nothing new. I’d just like to say that Generation X (whatever that means) is a little more honest about it than previous generations. We may feel anxiety about surfing the couch deep into our thirties, but at least we don’t fake it by getting married and having kids and owning big things despite having made no emotional progress since puberty. For example, people often speculate about someone’s sexual orientation (or, rather, dis-orientation) as the root of his or her difficulty in maintaining a healthy relationship. That may be the case, but when someone is ‘batting for the wrong team’, it’s just the superficial manifestation of a lack of emotional development. Now, if this person got married, bought a house and had kids, can you imagine how poisoned the psychic aquifer beneath that ‘happy home’ would be after ten years? How about the irreparable damage inflicted on those kids, right from day one? Babies can hear and remember before they’re even born. That shit is fucked up.

My parents love each other dearly, and there’s nothing better they could have done for the world than to bring four healthy, intelligent children into it, and raise them to be whole adults, some of which have done the same with their own families. I have many friends who met people they loved genuinely and with all their hearts, and made safe and happy homes into which they brought children that will grow up in the best environment a kid can grow up in; and then there are some who are single parents, raising children to the best of their abilities despite near-insurmountable obstacles, giving them every opportunity to learn how to be the best people they can be. These people are supposed to be parents. Their kids may fall off the track when they get older; that’s life. But it won’t be because they got fucked up by the people who raised them. In other words, if you’re going to have kids, do them a favor and make sure you’re not still a kid yourself. That way, for what it’s worth, you’re off the hook when they grow up and get a job as a drug-runner, or join a cult.

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